


My Secret

by MacabreKero



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Character Death, Drinking, Established Relationship, Fluffy Moments, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21916072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacabreKero/pseuds/MacabreKero
Summary: Sylvain has been absent from class for three days, mysteriously choosing to isolate himself away in his room. Felix takes it upon himself to unveil the secret his lover has locked himself away with, though it may prove far too dark to combat.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	My Secret

Three days had passed without a sign of Sylvain. The seat next to Felix in class sat devoid of its usual bubbly occupant in a lonesome aura. For once, Felix was able to pay attention during lectures without whispered jokes and soft pokes in his side to distract him. And he hated it.

Sylvain's unusual absence had created a whirring buzz of gossip among the class, each person holding their own speculation as to why the young noble had isolated himself in his room.

"I bet he knocked a girl up and can't bear to show his face anymore."

"Maybe he was a test subject for one of Claude's vile potions. He's probably too sick to come out."

"Perhaps he cracked under the pressure of being Gautier's heir and decided to run away."

The incessant rumors made Felix seethe with anger. In order to quell his irritation, he would furrow his brow with a huff and leave the room. He knew the speculations weren't true. How could Sylvain get a girl pregnant when he and Felix were the ones secretly dating? Sylvain was undoubtedly a player, but also fiercely faithful. The notoriously seductive teen had hardly glanced in a woman's direction after his surprising confession to Felix. Fall victim to one of Claude's makeshift poisons? No, Sylvain is much smarter than that. With a sharp nose and a keen sense of detecting schemes in the making, Sylvain is easily the hardest to prank. Besides, Dimitri is a more likely candidate for Claude's mischievous aspirations. Crack under the pressure of being Margrave Gautier's heir? No, Sylvain is too strong for that.

Right?

A blade of anxiety plunged through Felix's heart as he weighed the plausibility of Sylvain fleeing the monastery. Unbeknownst to the class, Sylvain truly held apprehensions of his inheritance. His anxieties for the future were revealed one night when the two had decided to risk a night together. Felix awoke to find Sylvain sitting in a slump at the edge of the bed, his face cradled in his hands and his shoulders rigidly hunched as his mind was undoubtedly drowning in dark thoughts.

"Sylvain, what's wrong?" Felix asked in a groggy tone as he rose from the covers to place a tender hand on his lover's back.

Sylvain lowered his hands and turned to gaze at Felix over his shoulder, the faded moonlight from the window casting an eerie glow on a forced smile playing across his lips. "Nothing, I just feel a bit sick. Some bad fish at dinner may be the culprit." His words were accompanied by a well practiced chuckle.

Felix frowned as he moved to sit beside his troubled companion. "You think yourself to be quite the actor, but I'm not buying it. This isn't the first time you've brooded at the bedside."

A genuine smile cracked Sylvain's mask as he lowered his head to rest on Felix's shoulder. "I can't get anything past you, can I, Fe?" He breathed with a light chuckle, fatigue wearing down his tone.

Felix carded a hand through Sylvain's hair as his other hand moved to entwine their fingers. "What's been troubling you?" He inquired once more. "Seeing you like this tears me up."

After a brief pause, Sylvain raised his head to meet Felix's gaze, his eyes overflowing with conflict and fear. "I'm terrified of the future and what's expected of me. When people look at me, all they see is my crest and wealth. They don't see _me_. I'm disgusted by the blood running through my veins." His eyes drifted to fix on a far off point in the distance as he paused. "I... I want nothing to do with my family upon leaving the monastery."

Felix's eyes widened as a wave of shock ebbed throughout his body. "Sylvain, what are you saying?" He did his best to keep his voice composed.

"I'm saying I don't want to follow suit by adding to the chaos of crests and bloodlines. There is so much more to life than the path our ancestors paved. I want to lay the foundation of my own path." He let out a forlorn sigh as his eyes returned to meet Felix's. "But I guess it's pointless, right?" His words carried a despondent weight that Felix was desperate to alleviate.

"If that's what you want then do it." Felix remarked.

Sylvain blinked in surprise. "Huh?"

Felix let out a huff and cupped his lover's face gently between his hands. "Your future won't change unless you command it to. Instead of saying 'I want to' start saying 'I will'. The Sylvain I know can make anything happen."

Sylvain's expression melted from surprise to determination as a sly grin split his lips. Closing the distance between their faces, he practically tackled Felix into a kiss as the two fell back onto the bed with a soft creak.

"W-What was that for?" Felix stammered when the two broke apart.

Sylvain chuckled softly, his eyes dancing with mischief and gratitude. "Your kisses always combat my troubles, Fe. Maybe they're magic."

Felix rolled his eyes and let out a huff, doing his best not to let an amused smile crack his annoyed façade. "You fool," He mumbled as he pulled Sylvain down for another kiss. Perhaps there was some logic behind Sylvain's words. Sylvain's kisses filled Felix with a strange yet welcome sense of tranquility, as if they were the only people inhabiting the world. When they kissed, there was no Sylvain Jose Gautier or Felix Hugo Fraldarius, only Sylvain and Felix.

"Say, Felix," Sylvain mused as he broke the kiss, much to Felix's disappointment. "Will you help me lay the foundation of a new future?"

Heat seeped into Felix's cheeks as the full weight behind Sylvain's words thumped onto his hammering heart. "Sylvain, you don't mean--"

"You don't have to reply just yet," Sylvain interjected. "I just think this whole life thing would be much easier with you at my side. After all, it's better to fight together than alone." A tender smile accompanied his words as he gazed down at a flustered Felix. The moonlight washed over half the swordsman's flushed face, his left eye glimmering in the pale lighting. The scene beneath Sylvain was breathtaking. His heart did a backflip as the gravity behind his words finally struck him like a runaway horse. He may have spoken in the heat of the moment, but his invitation was genuine. Sylvain's face mirrored Felix's as his cheeks tinged a rosy pink, suspense gripping his hammering heart.

Felix swallowed hard as nervousness rampaged throughout his being, doing his best to push out and answer. "Of course I will," He whispered, reaching out to cup Sylvain's cheek. "I can't picture my future any other way."

Relief washed over Sylvain's expression as he leaned into Felix's touch, adoration flooding his eyes as they brimmed with tears of unbridled joy. "Thank you, Felix."

Of course, that night was months in the past, though Felix's mind flooded with glee every time he reminisced upon it. Despite Felix's feelings, Sylvain's heart could very well have changed since then. Fear firmly took hold of Felix as he rose from his seat and hurriedly exited the classroom. Ignoring everyone who tried to talk to him, Felix walked with a brisk pace towards the dorms, doing his best to maintain a stony expression for all who watched him pass.

Upon reaching Sylvain's door, Felix paused to take a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had made many attempts the past few days to get Sylvain to open the door, desperation lacing his voice every time he pleaded to just see his lover's face to make sure he was okay. Silence always accompanied every word and bang on the door Felix delivered. This time, he was determined to get to the bottom of the mystery.

"Sylvain!" Felix shouted as he pounded a fist against the wooden door. "I'm really going to bust your door down this time if you don't come out, do you hear me?"

Silence.

"Sylvain, please," He called out, panic rising in his voice as his knocks against the door grew harder and faster, fueled by anxiety.

Silence, once more.

Felix had reached his limit. Without a second thought, he began to throw his full weight against the door, bruises undoubtedly blossoming in shades of purple against his thigh and shoulder. "Please! Please open!" Felix cried out, desperate tears pricking the corners of his eyes. The door stood firm in place, not budging against Felix's distressed attempts.

Fruitless minutes passed, but Felix was resolute in achieving his goal. Wild pants tumbled from his mouth as his body ached more and more with every bang against the door. Beads of sweat glistened against his furrowed brow, but determination flared in his eyes as he ignored the pain persistently throbbing in his side.

Finally. Finally, finally, finally, the door gave into defeat as it caved under Felix's weight, a rewarding _click_ sounding followed by a screeching creak as it swung open to reveal an eerie darkness. Felix nearly tumbled inside, but thankfully caught the edge of the doorframe to steady himself before cautiously stepping inside.

Horror tore at his heart in response to the scene awaiting him.

The dark room was permeated in the stench of alcohol, so much so that Felix's face curled in disgust as a hand flew to cover his nose and mouth. An army of glass bottles littered the floor, some almost half full, others completely drained of their contents. The curtains on all the windows were drawn, plunging the room into a crushing darkness, save for the light of the open door. Sylvain sat huddled in the middle of the floor, his knees pressed against his chest and his face tilted down as his fingers dug into his unkempt red hair.

"Sylvain?" Felix's voice shook as he knelt down to place a hand on his lover's shoulders. A yelp of surprise sprang from his throat as Sylvain lurched forward with startling speed to cling against Felix, his trembling fingers fisting Felix's overcoat as he tugged the other man closer. Wild, almost foreign eyes devoid of light and flaring with paranoia connected with Felix's. What could have easily been mistaken for a whisper fell from Sylvain's alcohol drenched lips.

"Do you hear it?

Felix raised a brow in confusion as he strained his ears to pick up on any strange sounds. "Hear what?" He inquired upon concluding he couldn't hear what Sylvain was talking about.

With a shaking hand, Sylvain pointed to his bed. Puzzled, Felix's gaze rose to land on an object laying atop Sylvain's bed covers. Straining his eyes by squinting, he could faintly make out the shape of a weapon. "Is that... the Lance of Ruin?" He asked in a confused tone as he rose and took a step forward, his arm extending towards the apparent object of Sylvain's torment.

"Don't touch it!" Sylvain cried out, wrapping his arms around the other teen's legs, nearly bringing him crashing to the floor.

"Oi, Sylvain! Get ahold of yourself!" Felix demanded as he knelt down once more in an attempt to calm his distressed lover. Sylvain's body shook violently as he clung firmly to Felix, his breathing reduced to ragged pants and gasps as his eyes fixed firmly on the Lance of Ruin. His wild heartbeat could be felt hammering ferociously as he pressed his chest desperately against Felix's.

"I can hear it whispering to me," Sylvain spoke once more, his voice caving with fear. "I think... I think my bloodline is cursed, Felix. Every time I touch that godforsaken lance I can feel the anguish of a thousand damned souls clawing at my mind. I tried to drown out the voices by drinking. Drinking until I couldn't feel or hear anymore. But the voices... they just won't stop! My brother... I can hear his voice among the masses of others'. Is he haunting me? Is this my punishment for bearing a crest?" His eyes darted from the lance to lock with Felix's. "It's coming for me next. It's going to swallow my humanity just like it did with Miklan's. I'm going to be reduced to a mindless beast, out to kill everyone."

At a loss for words, Felix watched as Sylvain ceased his clinging and fell back onto the floor with a thud, a laugh of insanity erupting forth as he slapped a hand to his forehead. "I'm going... to end up hurting everyone. But..." His free hand wandered across the floor until it bumped against an empty beer bottle. His fingers coiled around the bottle's neck, lifting it into the air. "...I can't hurt anyone if I'm dead."

Everything transpired in ten seconds.

Sylvain smashing the bottle against the wall and bringing the newfound weapon to his neck, the intent to kill blazing in his eyes. Felix lurching forward with astounding speed to grad hold of Sylvain's wrist in a desperate attempt to pry away the jagged, smashed bottle. A mini battle of dominance ensued, with Felix shouting "Stop! Stop!" the entire time as he struggled against Sylvain's staggering strength fueled by a reckless death wish. Thankfully, Felix succeeded in wrenching the bottle from Sylvain's hands. After casting the makeshift weapon across the room, he shifted his eyes down at the defeated Sylvain whose seemingly lifeless eyes were unfocused as they peered up at the ceiling.

Anger was the first emotion to take hold.

"What is wrong with you?!" Felix screamed as he delivered a harsh slap across Sylvain's face, an angry shade of red swiftly flooded the defeated teen's cheek where he had been struck. "Do you think any problem is worth killing yourself over?! What exactly would that solve?!" Sylvain remained silent and unreadable as Felix straddled his torso, the swordsman still panting from the intensity of their struggle.

The next emotion was sorrow.

"Do you have any idea how your death would affect me? Not to mention how your _suicide_ would? Not just me, all of our friends and the professor would be devastated." Felix spoke as he fought back tears, the shock of Sylvain's attempt still reverberating throughout his being. "Sylvain, I don't know what I'd do without you." Focus was gradually returning to Sylvain's eyes as Felix spoke.

Finally, determination.

"There isn't an enemy we can't take down together, Sylvain. Whatever darkness that's consuming you, I want to help you fight it." Felix's voice held firm in maintaining a strong tone of conviction as his words hung resolute in the air. There was so much more he wanted to say, so much more love and support he wanted to convey, but his words faltered as Sylvain turned his head to lock eyes with Felix.

Success.

Life flickered within Sylvain's eyes once more. A sea of emotions engulfed his face to create to create an anguished yet peaceful expression, one Sylvain had never bore before. Tears pooled in the dip below his eyes as a sob leaked from his throat. "I'm scared, Felix." He choked out as a tear rolled down his cheek. "Am I going to die?"

Felix brought a hand to Sylvain's face to wipe away the tears, the sobbing teen pressing into his touch. "No, I will protect you." His tone was firm yet soft, ringing true with gentle conviction. As if to seal his promise, Felix dipped down and placed a kiss on Sylvain's quivering lips. If his kisses held any supposed magic, now would be a great time to exert their power. For an instant, Sylvain's trembling body went still, his eyes fluttering shut as he kissed back. The kiss was brief, but it conveyed more meaning than Felix could string together with words.

Upon the kiss' end, Felix decided the first step to helping Sylvain was getting him as far away from the Lance of Ruin as possible. "Come to my room," He insisted as he removed himself from his position on Sylvain's torso, allowing the other teen to sit up and breath freely. "I want you out of this foul room as soon as possible."

A glimmer of Sylvain's usual self broke through as a small grin tugged at the corners of his lips. "What? Do you not like what I've done with the place?" He joked.

Felix rolled his eyes as he got to his feet and extended a hand out to Sylvain. "Don't make me slap you again." He warned, though his words carried none of their usual venom.

Hand in hand, the pair exited the nightmare drenched room, leaving the Lance of Ruin with only darkness to whisper to.

After a much needed bath, a hot meal with lots of water to drink, and a brief, refreshing stroll around the monastery to stretch Sylvain's legs, the duo decided to call it a night and returned to Felix's room to sleep. Nestled together in bed, the two lay face to face. Sylvain's eyes were locked onto Felix, searching every aspect of the other teen's face.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Felix huffed in annoyance, lightly shoving his partner's shoulder.

Sylvain smiled at Felix's masked embarrassment. "I'm just wondering what your secret is."

Felix's face scrunched in confusion. "My secret?"

Sylvain nodded, taking time to briefly pause in thought before continuing. "You know, that piece of repulsive darkness everyone tries to bury within themselves. I think today was a wondrous display of my little secret." He let out a laugh. A fake, rehearsed laugh.

Ignoring Sylvain's performance, Felix frowned. "Stop thinking about today," He insisted, scooting closer so the two were pressed against each other. "Your mind won't heal if you continue to dwell on what happened."

Sylvain draped an arm over Felix and cast his eyes to the ceiling, considering Felix's words. "I suppose you're right," He sighed before pressing his face into Felix's silky hair.

The two laid together in silence for an indecipherable amount of time. Two minutes, two hours, twelve hours, all time blurred together into a void of tense reprieve from the day's harrowing events. Felix knew the darkness gnawing at Sylvain's mind was still present from the forlorn undertone of his words, the distant gleam in his eyes, and the tense way he curled his body. Despite being in each other's arms, Felix was still miles away from Sylvain. When would the immense distance finally close?

"Hey, Fe?"

Felix gave a slight jump as he was jarred from his thoughts. "Hm?" He inquired, pretending he hadn't been caught off guard.

"Thank you for everything."

A flicker of panic sparked in Felix's stomach. Sylvain's tone sounded more like a goodbye than a thank you. "Sylvain?" A fragment of Felix's concern pushed its way into his words despite his wishes. Picking up on his partner's fear, Sylvain was quick to correct his error.

"Don't get the wrong idea. I'm truly thankful for everything you've done for me. I wouldn't be here without you, ya know? I'm so happy." He annunciated his feelings by giving Felix a light squeeze. "So, thank you."

Felix's heart twinged with an indescribable emotion. "I'm thankful for you, too." Was all he was able to convey back.

As the trauma of the day ebbed away, the two soon fell asleep. Blanketed in each other's warmth and taking solace in one another's presence, the night was filled with serene breaths of sleep and snores.

At least, that's how Felix hoped the night would go.

Be it fate or intuition, Felix awoke with a start in the middle of the night to find his arms bereft of his lover. Panic swept his being as his eyes frantically scanned every corner of the room in hopes of catching a glimpse of Sylvain. "Sylvain?" He called out, but he knew it was hopeless.

He had to act before it was too late.

Bolting from the bed in an adrenaline fueled flurry, Felix slipped on only his boots and one of the dozens of swords hanging in his room before speeding out the door. His first goal was Sylvain's room.

No luck, only the stench of booze greeted him upon opening the door. But something made the seeds of dread truly blossom in his stomach: the Lance of Ruin was gone. Now in full panic mode, Felix dashed about the monastery like a madman, calling out Sylvain's name into the unanswering and seemingly mocking darkness. Hopelessness and unwavering persistence tore at him in an excruciating game of hope and despair. His voice of hope told him Sylvain was nearby and encouraged him forward, while his voice of despair hissed at him for being too late and not realizing he hadn't fully saved Sylvain.

Regardless of whichever voice weighed mightier in his heart, Felix pushed onward.

After what seemed like hours of futile running, just when the thought of true defeat was about to wriggle into Felix's mind, a faint orange glow emanating from the woods caught his eye. The glow, as foreign as it truly was, felt familiar, drawing Felix in to investigate. Twigs snapped and leaves crunched under foot as he cautiously drew closer and closer to the light's source. The moon proved to be a horrid light source, as Felix tripped and stumbled over multiple tree roots and rabbit holes while venturing deeper into the foreboding stretch of trees.

At last, he had reached his destination.

"Sylvain!" Felix exclaimed, both in relief and dread as his eyes fell upon his lover crouched in the dirt, the Lance of Ruin radiating a ghastly orange glow in front of his face. With his back turned, Sylvain did nothing to acknowledge Felix's presence, he simply remained peering into the lance's eye while its spines twitched and convulsed.

Taking a tentative step forward, Felix pressed again for a response. "Syl--"

"Stay back!"

Felix froze in place, eyes widening as a shockwave ricocheted throughout his body in response to Sylvain's wrathful tone.

The two teens existed in frozen silence as time ticked by; Sylvain with his gaze locked on the Lance of Ruin and Felix frozen in his tracks, daring only to breath.

An agonizing eternity passed before Sylvain stood up and turned to face Felix, his expression blank yet sharpened with an uncharacteristic look of impassive cruelty.

"Why did you have to follow, Fe?" Sylvain's voice was hollow as he spoke, his eyes as vacant as his expression.

"Obviously because I'm worried for you!" Felix shot back, unable to bite back his anger. "Do you have any idea how wor--"

"Shut up!"

Once again Felix was rendered silent by an explosive outburst. Sylvain studied him with empty eyes, surveying him with frigid calculability, his gaze boring a hole straight through the other teen. Though he never took great care to display it, Sylvain was incredibly intelligent. Felix knew Sylvain was breaking him down and putting him back together. Flipping him inside out to right side out. Tearing him apart then stitching him back together. Felix was being out under a microscope.

"Do you think I'm weak?'

Sylvain's words clung to the air with silence as their only companion, for Felix was too afraid to speak.

"Do you think I'm weak?!" Sylvian repeated once more, rage booming in his voice. "Do you think I'm going to suffer the same fate as Miklan because I'm too weak?!"

"Of course not!" Felix shouted back, his fists balled at his sides. "Whatever has gotten ahold of you right now, its not you! I don't know why you think it's right to just run off and deal with this issue on your own, it's far too serious! We need to--"

"Need to what? Do you think this is going to end well? That this has a solution other than what's already premeditated?" Sylvain threw out his arms. "Well, you're wrong! There are no happy endings for people like me. People like me, with cursed blood," He brought a hand to his face and drug his nails down his cheek, blood welling at his fingertips. "I was a fool for thinking I could escape this. 'Build a new future'? What a pile of bullshit." Sylvain turned to grab the Lance of Ruin from its resting place against a nearby tree. "This charade ends tonight."

"Stop!" Felix cried out in desperate protest, rushing forward to pry the lance from his lover's hands. But it was too late.

An inhumane cry erupted from Sylvain as he fell to the ground, the Lance of Ruin remaining in his clutches as he writhed on the forest floor in a display of agony. Scales burst from his skin, sprouting in uneven patches across his body in sickly shades of dark gray. Long claws sprouted from his finger tips, extending and curving forward and giving a deadly gleam in the moonlight. Sizeable fangs pushed their way through his gums of the right side of his mouth, dripping with saliva and blood. A single horn shot forth from the center of his forehead in a pristine shade of white. A tail pushed through the fabric of his pants and wriggled on the ground as Sylvain continued to roll in anguish.

The transformation was a horrid sight to behold, but Felix couldn't tear his wide eyes away. With every cry of pain, a blade of sorrow pierced his scarred heart. The voice of despair had been right all along, he was too late. Instinctively, his hand flew to grab the hilt of his sword, praying whatever became of Sylvain did not choose to put up a fight.

After what could have been an eternity of agony, the transformation was complete. With shaking legs, Sylvain got to his feet, discarding the Lance of Ruin to the ground next to him as ragged pants tumbled from his mouth. Sylvain was caught between human and monster in a grisly form. Despite the monstrous changes his body had undergone, his eyes had remained the same. Felix chose to focus solely on the eyes he remembered so fondly, adverting his gaze from the claws, the horn, the scales, and the tail.

"Felix," Sylvain choked out, his voice sounding nearly the same. "Tell me, how do I look?" The corners of his lips curled up into a repulsive grin, displaying an array of half human half monster teeth.

"What have you done?" Felix mustered with a weak voice, his body trembling from a complex mixture of anger and sorrow. "Sylvain, what have you done?"

Sylvain took a step towards Felix, his footing shaky. "I proved just how futile my life is. How I was stupid to try to fight fate." He raised a gnarled hand and held it out. " _This_ is my destiny. Becoming the monster my lineage damned me with."

Felix shook his head, willing his knees to not give out beneath him. "No... this all could have been avoided, Sylvain. This... this isn't you. It never was."

Sylvain lowered his hand and threw his head back to stare up at the moon, saliva dripping down the side of his face bearing fangs. "Regardless, it's too late now." He murmured. "And there's only one way to end this." He pointed to the blade at Felix's side with a scaly finger. "You have to kill me, Felix."

Horror bubbled in Felix's stomach at Sylvain's statement. The being in front of him may have taken a new form, but it was still Sylvain. How could he kill his best friend? His comrade? His lover?

"No!" Felix shouted, backing away as Sylvain stepped closer. "There's still time to fix this!"

_No, you're too late._

"We can go back to the monastery and let Professor Hanneman or someone look at you! They'll know how to fix you!"

_Fix him? They're more likely to run away in terror._

"There's still time! There's still time! There's still time!"

_Just give up already._

While being consumed by the whirlwind of thoughts, Felix failed to notice Sylvain had drawn close enough to touch him, and he did just that. Reaching out a scaly hand, Sylvain took Felix by the hand, a peaceful smile standing out as an odd feature on his chaotic face littered with scales. "Please," He ushered, "Please kill me, Felix. I can't live like this. The damage I've caused is irreversible. Once we return to the monastery, I'll likely be killed on sight anyway. I want it to be _you_ who ends my suffering."

Felix's eyes burned as tears flowed uncontrollably down his face, his lip curled in sorrow as he tightly gripped Sylvain's cold, scaly hand. "I don't want to." His protest came out as a childish sob, like a child throwing a tantrum over having to do chores. "I don't want to, Sylvain."

Sylvain let out a breath and his face softened, his familiar brown eyes fluttered shut briefly before reopening. "'There isn't an enemy we can't take down together', right?" He breathed. Sylvain pulled the sword at Felix's side from its sheath and wrapped Felix's pale, trembling hand around the hilt before wrapping his own inhuman hand around his lover's. "Then let's do it together."

Felix rapidly shook his head and attempted to pry his hand free from Sylvain's grasp to no avail, sobs violently wracking his body. Deep down, he knew it had to be done. But just why did this have to happen? It was his fault for not realizing Sylvain had been suffering. It was his fault for waiting three days to bust down Sylvain's door. It was his fault for not making sure Sylvain fled in the middle of the night. By all means, Felix should be the one in Sylvain's place.

Sylvain stepped back so the tip of the sword's blade was pressed just below his ribs, his eyes never leaving Felix's face. "On the count of three."

"One."

_No, that's way too soon. There are so many things I still want to say._

"Two."

_I need to pull away. I can't let this happen. I--_

"Three."

A grunt of pain split the air followed by an intense scream as Felix's blade plunged deep into Sylvain's abdomen, bright crimson falling to splatter the forest floor. Sylvain staggered back, the blade protruding from his upper stomach as he painstakingly pulled it out, more blood gushing forth as gurgles and coughs fell from his lips. It wasn't long until he fell back, unable to stand any longer.

Felix's sobs littered the air as he cradled his dying lover's head in his lap, tears rolling from his face to gently plop into Sylvain's hair.

"Hey, Fe," Sylvain choked out, blood trickling from his lips. "Do you still... love me?"

There was no time for Felix to settle his sobbing down as he answered, his words flopping out in a hiccupping and gargled mess. "Y-Yes," He blubbered, wiping a few tears off his face only for more to take their place. "I love you more than anything in this world."

A delighted smile pushed through Sylvain's pained expression. "That... makes me... happy." He breathed, the air around him growing thinner as his vision grew blurrier. He attempted to make a final gasp for air to speak again. "Do you... want to know... my secret?" He weakly lifted his gaze to meet with Felix's one last time.

"I was... st... starting to lis... ten to what t-the... voices had to s-say..."

With that said, the light completely drained from Sylvain's eyes. His head limply rolled to the side as his final breath left his lips.

Sylvain Jose Gautier was dead.

Felix let out a wail as his heart shattered to pieces. Pieces that could never be put back together again.

A streak of purple and yellow cut across the horizon, signaling morning was rapidly approaching. All the while, Felix sat back as an intense void of emptiness ripped through his being. Blank eyes gazed up at the newborn morning sky. The sobs once filling the air had long ceased, giving way to an eerie silence as not even a bird's cheerful chirping could be heard, only the ever so faintest of breezes rustling among the leaves. Bereft of feeling, Felix got to his feet. Crushing emptiness, frigid numbness, there was one way to solve his problems.

After retrieving the bloody sword that brought his lover's demise, Felix placed a light kiss against Sylvain's still warm lips.

_It turns out my kisses aren't magic after all._

After taking a few deep breaths, Felix raised the crimson stained blade.

_Hey Sylvain, I now know my secret._

He pressed the tip of the blade right above his heart.

_I'll tell you what it is soon._

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean for this fic to turn out like this. This was supposed to be a quick little warm up, but it spiraled out of control. I swear I love Sylvain and Felix, I very much want them to live long lives together, but the prospect of writing something sad was too juicy to not bite into.
> 
> I'm going to post something new again very soon, something a bit more _adult_ involving Sylvix, so please stay tuned!
> 
> Thank you for reading my fic. Please tell me what you thought and I hope to see you again for the next one.
> 
> My Twitter: @Keroseniic
> 
> My NSFW Twitter: @MacabreKero (Follow this one for updates on when I post fics. You MUST be 18+ to follow!!)


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